If it Makes You Happy

Ok world here is my first post. Don’t know if anyone will ever read this but I can at least write down what I am feeling. So here goes.

I bought a song on itunes this week called “If It Makes You Happy” by Cheryl Crow. The lyrics are foggy to me me but the chorus struck a cord that explains how I feel about my relationship to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The chorus goes …

If it makes you happy
It can’t be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

For twenty plus years I have been a faithful member of a very demanding, controlling organization that is an enigma to me. On one hand my involvement in this group has brought tremendous good into my life and on the other hand needless burdens, emotional distress and warped mental models. For years it has been portrayed to me and others as the “plan of happiness”. In hindsight, the teachings of Jesus Christ are a blessing to people. Be kind, serve others, strive for spiritual things, help those in need whether it be spiritually or temporally. However, the demands of a corporate church have not been a blessing to me. Endless, waste of time meetings, 10% gross earnings donated to an already wealthy organization, get married young, have kids early … all strongly emphasized teachings I bought into. God I wish I could have seperated gospel and church earlier in my life. So the program that was supposed to “make me happy” made me feel “so sad”. Well, no more; I will engage the church on my terms. Not on a self serving, worldly organization’s controlling agenda. God this feels so good to say. My next posts will be why I view myself as a Deist and values.